Low self-esteem is not a problem that only teenagers and young people face.
There are many adults today, even in their golden years, who do not have good self-esteem.
This is sad because low self-esteem can make our relationships suffer, we are constantly envying other people and it makes us feel … pretty bad about ourselves.
Time to change that!
Good self-esteem will make you feel good about yourself.
I’m sure you know one or two people who are comfortable in their own skin.
They don’t fall apart when people unfairly criticize them. They are comfortable saying “I’m sorry” when they are wrong. And they trust their own talents. They can laugh at themselves.
The wonderful thing about high self-esteem is that it gives us
more success at work
we seem more attractive to our partners
we don’t need the approval of others
life seems brighter and happier and less bleak
we feel good about ourselves
However, I don’t think it’s entirely our fault if we have low self-esteem.
That’s because the way our parents raised us had a HUGE impact on our confidence levels.
Were you expected to be “perfect” when you were young?
Were you severely criticized if you had a big dream or desperately wanted something?
Did they constantly compare you to other children?
Have you “failed” to achieve something (eg, losing a game, getting a D on a test) and feeling like you are a complete failure as a person?
The above are some examples of how our parents may have unknowingly stumped our self-esteem.
7 ways to rebuild our self-esteem
01
Achieve more
I do not mean to achieve something as great as winning an award or a medal at some sporting event.
We can set small goals, pursue small goals, and achieve them. Once we have reached our goals, whether they are small or large, we will have feelings similar to those of esteem.
Make sure the goals you set give you satisfaction. Don’t set goals to please someone else or to get compliments!
Do you know what is interesting?
Showing off a bit about our achievements on Facebook or Instagram can also boost our self-esteem. Just don’t overdo it or we’ll be a bit annoying 😠‰
02
Be aware of your talents
This may seem obvious to some of us.
But people with low self-esteem are unaware or choose to ignore their strengths.
If you put your pencil on paper and list your strengths and talents, you might be surprised that your list is longer than you thought.
Or you can ask a trusted person to list your strengths. You will get information about your talents that you did not know about!
03
Treat yourself like a valuable person
This is where personal care comes in.
Pamper yourself with a massage, a hot bath, diffuse some essential oils (geranium essential oil evokes feelings of self-love if you like the metaphysical), play with a pet or a child, write a journal, exercise, have dinner instead favorite … Basically do activities that make you feel great.
These feel-good activities will send signals to your mind that you are a worthwhile person worthy of the nice things in life.
04
Pretend until you get it
Is there a celebrity you look up to because you trust yourself so much during interviews?
Or someone you know personally?
We can model your body language. Confident people tend to shake hands firmly, make eye contact, speak clearly, and stand tall. When we adopt their body language, people will treat us with respect, which in turn, makes us feel safe.
Personally, I admire Queen Rania of Jordan. She gently draws boundaries when meeting people in public places while keeping a smile on her face and very polite body language, even when unknown women are quick to smother her with hugs at events.
Jennifer Lopez is another celebrity who is a master of people skills. She can answer awkward interview questions with jokes, laughs at herself, and effortlessly makes herself appear humble and approachable. It is a well honed skill.
05
Talk and spend time with people with high self-esteem.
I love spending time with positive people.
They help me reframe any problem I have as something that will happen.
People with high self-esteem will make us feel energized and recharged after spending time with them.
They are open to admitting any mistakes or ‘failures’ they have had and will still support us when we make mistakes ourselves.
In short, they accept you for who you are, flaws and all.
You value these people very much.
06
Be kind to yourself
I like a quote I recently came across: “You can’t go wrong in life because there is no such thing as doing life right.”
Everybody makes mistakes. Successful people make even more mistakes than the average person.
When we “fail” at something, focus on adjusting our strategies. The ‘failures’ are comments that our strategies need adjustments.
The ‘failures’ have nothing to do with us as a person. So we don’t punish ourselves when we falter.
07
Tame the inner critic
We all have internal critics. These pesky little things will negate our abilities.
Internal critic example: “My superior praised my work today. I think he was just polite. Or maybe he’s in a good mood. I’m sure my work wasn’t that great.”
We can rephrase it with: “I feel good that my superior praised my work today. It may not be perfect, but I did the best I could. I am proud to do my best.”
I have heard of a successful businessman who has an unorthodox approach to this. Visualize your inner critic as an iguana (of all things!). He said that we all have these ‘iguanas’ living in our minds.
When negative self-talk starts in his mind, he shrugs like the ‘iguana’ chattering away (once again).
This is a creative way that we can separate our destructive self-talk from ourselves.
Remember that changes in habits or mentality take time. 🠙 ‚
We will not be an unsuspecting superstar immediately after applying the above 7 tips. If we have had low self-esteem for years, we cannot change to being a confident person in 1 day.
Be kind to yourself and give yourself time to change.