Two agents were working undercover while discussing an update with their informant. They were sitting in a recessed area in an attempt to keep their conversation private and to avoid danger. They wanted control the environment as much as possible. Suddenly, a beggar approached and began aggressively asking for money. An agent kindly said no. But the person persisted in asking, why not? The agent said no, again. Still, the person continued with his request for money. Finally, the agent grunted as he said out loud, I said no! Stunned, the beggar turned and walked quickly away.
Potential danger is always around you, even during talks (you are always negotiating). In some cases, it avoids it by staying off limits. At other times, he prevents it by the way he controls conversations in an environment.
When the agents turned their attention to their update, the informant asked, did you think that person was dangerous? The agent said no. That beggar didn’t accept my answer the first few times. So, I had to alter the way I pronounce my words. By changing the tone of my answer and sounding more hostile, the beggar felt that my answer, no, was more definitive. That’s why he walked away at that time.
Consider the following techniques to increase your control as you negotiate with those who might try to be challenging or with those you would like to control better.
- Block and bridge
Blocking and bridging is a way to alter the flow of a conversation. You would implement its use when a conversation began to head in an unwanted direction, one that you feared would cause you to lose control of the discussion or interaction. You can also consider using it when you want to improve the flow of a conversation.
To invoke its use, when someone started making statements that you disagreed with, or citing accounts that weren’t aligned with where you wanted to take the conversation, block their comments. As an example, you can say that you have a point (lock) and the result was lower than expected (bridge). I suggest that we take the following approach. It is known to have better results.
How you block someone’s comments depends on the severity of the situation. If it’s one that could escalate to a high degree of irritation, you might consider blocking the other person’s statements with harsh words and tone. If you don’t have to, consider being softer in your intonation and demeanor.
- Answer questions with questions
Answering questions with questions is a great way to gather more information than you provide. It also allows you to control a conversation. Because the person asking the questions controls the flow of the discussion. And that happens whenever the other party is answering questions.
To implement this strategy, ask a question in response to one that you have been asked. Do this instead of answering the initial query. Therefore, instead of giving an answer to that question, I would answer with one of my own.
As an example, if someone says, do I have to take this course of action? Your answer might be, what do you think will happen if you don’t take this course of action? You have not answered the question. And if you get an answer, you have learned more about the person’s thoughts. Along with a possible solution to a situation if you choose to implement that person’s response.
- Hear what is not said
Many people consider themselves good communicators because they pay attention to what someone is saying. You can actually be a better communicator and better control conversations if you observe what someone is not saying.
For example, if someone said that I didn’t do what you said I did. You might consider a person’s response to mean that I didn’t do what you said I did. Yes, I did, but not the way you said it.
By listening to what is not said and the response of how something is said, you will gain a better understanding and control of someone’s statements. You will also know more about how that person communicates. And that will be worth its weight in gold.
Reflection
In every environment and in every negotiation you find yourself in, think about how you will control that environment. In particular, consider how you will avoid dangerous situations, what form of control you will use, and where it might lead you in your encounter. Because the better you control the conversations, the more power and control you will have in every negotiation and situation you find yourself in … and everything will be fine in the world.
Remember, you are always negotiating!
Listen to Greg’s podcast to https://anchor.fm/themasternegotiator
After reading this article, what are you thinking? I would like to know. Contact me at [email protected]