I’m seeing way too many people who are disappointed in their blood family. I’m not talking about the garden variety disappointment we all see. I’m talking about a lifetime of abuse, neglect and shame by your blood relatives. People who abroad present that everything is fine, but behind closed doors, talk about unthinkable acts committed against them.
Sexual assault, physical beatings, intimidation, and body shaming, just to name a few. What does a child do when his mother or father tells him that he ruined his life? How are they supposed to feel knowing that the person themselves, or people genetically programmed to protect them, end up destroying them internally? They start to doubt their worth, abilities and very existence because their family has bad blood.
Let this be your wake up call. Sometimes the blood is bad. Sometimes our protectors are the instrument of pain. Realizing this is the first step in healing. It’s okay to tune out the bad blood. Many times there will be guilt associated with letting go. Either on your part, or on the part of the person who committed those transgressions against you. But it’s a trap. The family is designed to nurture, not destroy. And if you’re in a healthy position to want something better for yourself, you should run.
I have never seen someone wanting to be healthy as a character flaw. It is a declaration of faith and affirmation of oneself. That you are valued and viable. It’s not your job to take criticism, abuse, or endure neglect, all because someone lacks basic human compassion.
We’ve all heard the saying that hurt people hurt people. While this is true, I am saying that hurt people hurt people, and it is not your job to suffer with them and go down that rabbit hole. Blood or not, you deserve to be happy. And as you get further away, you’ll need a safe space and a new support network. You will need to learn a new set of skills. It will take time to understand that not everyone wants to get over you. You will need to learn new behaviors that take you out of your comfort zone. You have to resist the temptation to feel guilty for wanting a healthy life. And while you’re doing this, you’re rewriting the internal script in your mind.
This is a process. Start by getting professional help. Set some limits. Say goodbye to everything that doesn’t help you evolve. If you’re still reading this, this is your moment. Let go of judgments and anger. They too are as destructive as bad blood. There are support groups, online groups, therapy, coaching, self-help measures, and much more. Jump headlong and save yourself. Let today be your affirmation that you matter.
Not all families are created equal. And life is not always fair. You matter. And if you are the one who caused the bad blood, let today be the day you acknowledge your part in their pain. Offer an apology. If they need space, honor it. Get yourself help. Learn to forgive yourself and then acquire new skills. The best apology comes in the form of a change in behavior. And if you’ve lost them forever, keep them in your heart and hold the door open without being intrusive.
Bad blood. Walk away. It doesn’t make you a bad person. Because the pain won’t stop, if you’re constantly getting it.