Domestic abuse is not uncommon. According to a 1998 Commonwealth Fund survey, nearly one-third of American women reported having been physically abused by a husband or boyfriend at some point in their lives. 30% of Americans say they know a woman who has been a victim of domestic abuse. All races are equally vulnerable to violence from an intimate.
In 2001, more than half a million women were victims of non-fatal violence at the hands of their intimate partners. Three or more women die from domestic violence every hour in the United States. This is said to be the most predictable murder in America.
Let me list some of the warning signs, red flags if you will, so that you, too, can be equipped to predict this crime before it happens to you or someone you love.
-A woman has intuitive feelings that she is at risk
-At the beginning of the relationship accelerates the step towards commitment
-He is verbally abusive.
-Resolves disagreements with intimidation, bullying, threats
-Hits and breaks things in anger.
He controls all the money.
-Jealousy
-Keeps your partner on a “tight leash”
-Does not accept rejection- or “no” work
-Paranoia
-Inflexibility
-has mood swings
-Boasts weapons
-Uses drugs and/or alcohol, gets nasty and then blames them.
-You were abused or witnessed abuse as a child
-Use surveillance on your partner.
-He has been arrested for conduct offences.
-He has a history of domestic abuse.
Some of these are obvious, like the last one. I won’t go near a guy who has hit other women. If she was already in a relationship and I found out, she would break it off ASAP, although it may be too late to make it right, because these guys can’t let her go.
Why don’t the women leave? Good question. Some of them aren’t even sure of the answer. Women in abusive relationships become addicted to the feeling of relief when the beating is over. Do you think it will change? Yes. They believe that every beating is the last.
Some don’t think they have a choice. But staying is a choice. Let’s face it, the first time a woman is beaten she is a victim, the second time and every time after that she is a volunteer.
Stay for the children’s sake? Oh please! When a daughter witnesses her mother being beaten, she learns to do the same. When a son sees his father beat him up, he too learns to do the same. And the cycle continues.
These women frequently describe their abusive partners as sweet, gentle, kind, and caring. When we fall in love, sometimes we don’t see our partner’s flaws. Maybe that’s why we should wait a bit before making major commitments. Maybe that’s why abusers like to be quick to commit.
Domestic abuse is not a crime of passion. 75% of spousal murders occur after a woman leaves. The legal system would recommend that a woman get a temporary restraining order or protection order. These methods are useful when there is no history of violence in the relationship. If not, you can scale it.
A woman should not assume that a piece of paper will protect her. She should only get one if she thinks he’ll honor it. She won’t stop him from committing murder. Many abusers have killed their wives just before or after they were granted the TRO. She remembers that she can’t accept rejection. Some of these men have also subsequently committed suicide.
If a woman wants to get out of a violently abusive relationship, the best thing to do is contact a battered women’s shelter. These organizations know exactly how to help protect these women and their children. They also understand the legalities involved with finances, as many of these women do not have access to money.