Anticipated grievance, a feeling of loss before a death or feared event occurs, is a difficult journey. Holidays make it even more difficult. At a time when you are supposed to feel happy and joyful, you feel sad and anxious. You’re on pins and needles and wondering what will happen next.
Remember, your pain comes from love and you can find comfort in that. According to the National Association for Mental Health, the holidays do not erase the reasons why you feel sad and lonely, and “there is room for these feelings to be present.” So accept your feelings and if you feel like crying, do it.
Crying will help you feel better. Here are some other ways you can help yourself.
BE REALISTIC. You don’t need to create a “perfect” vacation. Do you really need to knit sweaters for everyone? No. Do you really need to serve a six-course meal? No. What you need to do is set realistic goals, organize yourself, and control your pace. Rather than focusing on one day, the National Mental Health Association recommends focusing on “a season of Christmas feeling.”
ASK FOR HELP. You don’t have to do everything yourself. Family and friends will be happy to help with planning, decorating, and cooking. A family member could bring a traditional dish, such as pumpkin pie. Another family member could provide bedding and wash it afterward. Your request for help makes others feel needed.
BUDGET. Finances can cause stress at any time, but they cause a lot of stress during the holidays. Set a budget for gifts, decorations, and entertainment. Staying within your budget will make you feel better about the vacation and yourself. Your gifts don’t have to be new. Holidays are a perfect time to share family belongings: a vase of flowers, a historical photo, or a beloved book. Include a short note about the item with your gift.
EAT WELL. Because nutrition affects brain chemistry, it is necessary to eat balanced meals while on vacation. Delicious as they look, pass up the treats and cookies that come your way. Choose lots of fruits and vegetables from the buffet table and a dessert. Having a supply of healthy snacks on hand will also help you eat well.
DRINK MODERATELY. Alcohol makes the Christmas blues worse, according to the National Mental Health Association. Too much alcohol can cause you to say things that you will regret later. If you drink alcohol, drink in moderation or skip it all together. Drink sparkling cider, non-alcoholic punch, or flavored water instead of alcohol.
SLEEP ENOUGH. You’ve probably thought, “Yeah right.” But you need to sleep to survive the holidays. Getting enough sleep is difficult with so many holiday events going on. However, you can be selective about what you attend, leave early and get a good night’s sleep. Balance one night with a short nap the next day.
LIGHT UP YOUR WAY. Wellness experts at Vanerbilt University say more people get depressed on vacation than at any other time. Some of these people have seasonal affective disorder (SAD). If you live in a cold climate and the days are short, you may want to be screened for SAD. Phototherapy (bright lighting) is generally recommended for people with SAD. Even if you don’t have SAD, well-lit rooms will lift your spirits.
EXERCISE. Daily physical activity is a proven way to cope with stress. Walk around town or the local mall and look at the Christmas decorations. Play ball with your children or grandchildren. Bundle up and go cross-country skiing. Half an hour of physical activity a day helps to drive away sadness.
BE CONCILATORY. According to http://www.MayoClinic.com, family tensions can flare over the holidays if members “hang out for several days.” The holidays are not the time to resolve family disputes, they are a time for conciliatory and kind behaviors. Discuss family complaints at a later date.
HELP OTHERS. Holidays are associated with families and togetherness according to Jill RachBeisel, MD, Director of Community Psychiatry at the University of Maryland. But, due to the divorce rate and fragmented families, many do not have this kind of sacred experience. Still, you can connect with a foster family by volunteering at a senior center, reading to inmates, or tutoring children.
MAKE NEW MEMORIES. The memories you create this holiday season can give you comfort in the future. Take digital photos of holiday events and put them on a CD. Send copies of the CD to all family members. Every family has stories to tell, and you can create new memories by recording some of these stories. You can also videotape holiday events.
SAVOR THE MOMENT. Although he is sad, he is alive, capable of being with his loved ones and loved ones. Surround yourself with life: family, dear friends, colorful flowers, a dog that wags its tail, and hobbies that make you happy. Because every moment of life, even sad ones, is a miracle.
Copyright 2005 by Harriet Hodgson. For more information about her work, visit http://www.harriethodgson.com