My life experiences are similar to those of other women dealing with the normal bumps and bruises of life. However, I feel that an invisible ally who can elude women has guided me. From an early age, I recognized and appreciated the energy of courage. In the face of life’s crises, I discovered that I could always count on the courage to help me in the constant reinvention of my being. I have drawn on courage to overcome illness, reveal vulnerability, face obstacles, and confront abuse.
I first realized my own courage when I was five years old. A rare form of chicken pox threatened my life. My parents rushed me to a hospital where I was unconscious for almost a week. I was so sick that the doctors told my parents that I might not live. The experience left me with not only physical scars, but also a deep realization that if I could get through a critical illness, I could get through almost anything. This budding awareness, which I now know was a flourishing reservoir of courage, continued to strengthen and sustain me through many phases of my life.
Another seminal event occurred when I was twenty years old. As a Catholic, I was taught to abstain from sexual activity before marriage. However, I got pregnant out of wedlock. Pregnancy was a lonely and terrifying ordeal. For three months, I persevered through all-day morning sickness and dry heaves that forced me to vomit into the street gutters as I walked to college classes. Honoring my faith, I felt compelled to confess and absolve myself of what I considered a sin (at the time). Movies showing women dying in childbirth had left their mark on my young mind, and I feared that I would die before being acquitted of my wrongdoing. Hopelessly distracted and confused, he didn’t know which way to go. But after much soul searching, I was able to face my misfortune and face a priest.
Entering the confessional with tears of shame, I told the priest my dilemma. Surprisingly, he told me, “God has forgiven you, but you haven’t forgiven yourself.” At that moment, I was filled with an enormous sense of relief and comfort. I realized that he had the power to choose. I didn’t want to marry someone I didn’t love, nor did I want to have an abortion. So, with a lot of pain and internal struggle, I decided to give my baby up for adoption. Nothing has compared to coming home from the hospital empty-armed.
My experience with the priest turned out to be a monumental blessing. From that experience, my “courageous will” became real to me, and my awareness of the power of courage provided me with a tool that I have used all my life.
Years later, as an adult, I followed a man I was to marry from California to Colorado, where he set up a new business. While a major move can be a difficult transition for anyone, this adjustment was greatly complicated by a painful breakup shortly after our relocation.
Angry, disappointed, and utterly discouraged, I had to face the unknown. I was deeply scared by the instability of my life, and here I was in a city where I had no friends, family, or job. My main fear was that I would not survive. If I survived, how could I persevere under the circumstances?
I felt vulnerable, fragile and abandoned. Many times while flying to visit my family for the holidays, I would pray that the plane would crash. If I were to die, my broken spirit would no longer be in pain. I would not be forced to reinvent myself.
Yet in moments of prayer and meditation, I kept hearing an inner voice that offered hope: if you can get through this depressing ordeal, great understanding and a special gift will unfold.
This crisis reawakened my awareness of courage as a strength that I needed to continue. With courage, a devastating experience could be redeemed as a source of new insight, clarity, and purpose. This turning point convinced me that God had put me on this planet to sharpen and develop the courageous spirit within me and to encourage other women to do the same.
passion of hearts
As I matured, I was very interested in developing self-awareness. As I watched myself approach the normal transitions in my life, I found that my ally, courage, served me well. I made drastic career changes every six to eight years, and each industry I entered was significantly different from the last. However, as I progressed through the fields of education, real estate, banking, and business consulting, I was able to transfer my skills relatively easily from one business sector to another.
When asked how I could so easily maneuver through these career transitions, I replied that the desired results were easy for me to imagine and implement, as long as I called upon my heart’s desire and courage. In each industry I was motivated by the excitement of working on my own. Creativity, an essential element of my character, was associated with my courage to “invent” both my professional and personal life.
Helping others is a goal in my life, whether as a friend, consultant, speaker, coach, or author. The fascination for the richness of life and a deep commitment to the defense of the highest human values have been the threads with which I have woven my life experience. I experience all aspects of my life with passion. I challenge myself beyond the status quo, seeking excellence in sports, travel, relationships, writing, and public speaking.
For a long time, I did not realize that this approach to life was unusual. Living life with pleasure seemed natural, innate. But now I know that it is not so. Living life with verve is a cultivated skill. With courage as my strength, I have been able to design meaningful goals for my life. And doing so has allowed me to reclaim my heart and spirit.
Writing has never been one of my ambitions. I am a public speaker and prefer to express myself orally, so writing and researching a book that awakens women to courageous female behaviors has been one of my two greatest acts of courage. The other was to give my son up for adoption. Thanks to that wonderful and caring priest who helped me, I gathered the courage I needed to keep going. Even then I knew that nothing would be as difficult as that difficult experience.
As a five-year-old girl, a young adult, and a grown woman, I used my courage to reinvent myself. As I continue to nurture the courage I discovered during those particularly difficult times, courage has become an invaluable companion along life’s most ordinary paths.