My name is Pot Roast and I am an English Bulldog. If you don’t know what an English Bulldog looks like, you’re unlucky, but I can enlighten you. i’m quite beefy [with short, stumpy legs] and I have a big head and big shoulders. I have thick folds of skin on my forehead, sagging lips, an underbite, and weigh about fifty pounds (give or take). You’re probably thinking “horrible”, but my people think I’m adorable (that’s why they caught me). I live in a big house (except for the cat that lives upstairs). That cat always gets away with it; if she even makes the slightest of sounds, bam! Out the expensive fish liver and caviar… don’t get me started!
I don’t ask for much in this joint. I like good food (why not) a good walk and a run with my friends in the park. An occasional belly rub will even send me over the edge. All I really asked for was to have a dog collar like my friends wear. There’s this one: a black lab named Bali. He has a fiery red leather designer necklace encrusted with diamonds. Diamonds! I don’t even want all that glam and glitz, but I do want designer. What puppy doesn’t?
Once I was in the park with my people and Bali was chasing everything that was thrown at him (retrievers, go figure!) When he finally came back, he was so hot that his people took his collar off to help cool him down. . I didn’t waste a second: I ran as fast as I could and grabbed that necklace and ran! In a crazy moment, I even passed the necklace to my people to show them that’s what I wanted. I was also very proud. All they did was rip it out of his mouth and give it back to the people of Bali.
Another time, we were at the pet supply store. My people like to stock up on too many toys and treats (hence the giving or receiving of a few pounds). In a brief moment of freedom, I ran to the designer dog collar section and started jumping on display. There was a very fancy one that was black leather and had some sort of purple design all over it. It even had a big silver buckle. It was perfect! When my people realized that I had disappeared and finally found me in front of the designer necklaces, I was sitting as beautiful as I could look from the necklace that I coveted towards them. I was trying to send a message, but it didn’t seem to be working. Hi folks, I just want to look like my friends, maybe show off a bit. All you have to do is buy it and slip it around my big neck! Okay, you have to fasten the buckle too, but who cares, its designer!
Unfortunately, my folks haven’t figured it out yet, but I know a designer dog collar is in my very near future.