“A woman and a mouse, carry a story wherever they go.” -Gelett Burgess
“Every Parent’s Nightmare”, “A Nasty Job” and “Mind-Boxingly Inappropriate”. When The CW’s primetime poster child Gossip Girl made its season two debut, critical disdain for family organizations was common and clear. Promoted by the Parents Television Council, the groups denounced the overt drug use, obscene language and gratuitous sex scenes that dominate the lives of the show’s teenage characters. However, they did not mention the nasty habit hidden in the show, its namesake: gossip.
Now that Gossip Girl invented the “loose-lipped queen bee leading lady” art form. One could argue that even Pride and Prejudice can be lumped into the category. After all, most of what Elizabeth (praised by literary critics as a model heroine) and her sisters talk about is “Miss Bingham did this,” “Mr. Darcy did that.” Is she really better than the leading lady in Alicia Silverstone’s Clueless or the quintessential cabal of mean girls led by Lindsay Lohan? The funny thing is that I know more about Lindsay Lohan’s supposed relationship with Samantha Ronson than I do about the current state of my own friendships. The bad thing is that I’m weirdly okay with it.
In an age where conversation is as easy as a few clicks, I can’t help but wonder, why does gossip grip us so strongly? Does it have any real purpose or do we just have nothing better to say?
Five reasons why gossip gets a bad rap
Gossip is often a direct path to a betrayal of trust. Just as World War II officials warned that “loose lips sink ships,” a spilled secret could ruin a friendship.
Gossip often turns into lies. Everyone wants to get the inside scoop, which leads to embellishments and exaggerations (which are actually close cousins of lies).
Gossip is largely about the mediocre qualities of people. The veracity of the information and the motivation of the source are rarely taken into account. The opinion of one person can quickly become the consensus of a group. This can ruin reputations and ruin friendships before they start.
Gossip doesn’t always come across as name calling and outright lies. More often it’s simply a passive-aggressive split between your group (the gossips) and your minions (the others).
Gossip is toxic in the workplace. Time wasted gossiping leads to lost productivity. Morale and relationships ruined by gossip lead to division among team members, malice, and increased anxiety on all sides.
Five Reasons Gossip Might Be OK
Gossip serves as a unifying communicative force. According to Psychology Today, gossip can “communicate a group’s moral code” by quickly and clearly distinguishing which behaviors are acceptable and which will make you the subject of negative conversation.
Gossip familiarizes you with your social environment and your peers. A quick chat over the water cooler can identify potholes to avoid after meetings. Shooting up the breeze with a martini or two can spare you the horrors of dating the local serial cheater.
Gossip helps put everything in perspective. The German word “schadenfreude” translates as “happiness at the misfortune of others.” While you shouldn’t revel in other people’s problems, everyone knows that watching someone fight a tougher battle than yours can make your daily trials seem easier to handle and less meaningful.
Gossip humanizes people. From your favorite celebrity’s public divorce to pages and pages of A-list cellulite photos, gossip makes the bold and the beautiful look like us. And in a very strange way, it ensures that everyone’s dreams are possible, which can rekindle one’s self-esteem.
Gossip offers the comfort of validation. It may not be the most moral thing in the world, but gossip is a uniting force. It’s a great way to strike up conversations, reaffirm social status, and feel involved.
Three easy questions to control gossip
“Would I mind if someone said this about me?” If the answer is “yes,” you might want to recite the old adage “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything.” You will earn points in the long run for playing fair and fair.
“Am I sure that’s true?” If you did not see it with your own eyes, consider the source. The irony of the situation is that the people at the center of the gossip world usually have the least amount of accurate information and are the most likely to gossip about you in return. Check your facts. In all social circles, getting caught propagating a lie is a major misstep.
“Is this worth repeating?” This is the more difficult question, which requires more reflection. What will be achieved by telling this story, sharing this secret, pricking this spike? Challenge yourself to aspire to something higher than a few laughs or a way to pass the time. I’m sure you’ll find something better to share.
Perhaps the failure of Gossip Girl is not due to the abstinence of one character or the will of another. Perhaps it simply lies in the title character’s lack of consideration for the above questions. Who knows? Maybe when the ratings drop low enough, she’ll learn the painful value of regret like so many leading ladies before her. She could learn a lot from Jane Austen’s Elizabeth; that gossip may be necessary at times, but should always be moderated with courtesy. And if that’s on our beloved Gossip Girl’s head, she may remember the climactic monologue from Mean Girls: “Calling someone else fat won’t make you skinnier, calling someone stupid won’t make you smarter, and ruining Regina’s life.” George definitely.” she didn’t make me happier. All you can do in life is try to solve the problem in front of you.” It is this knowledge that separates the half-loud leading ladies from those who can truly be called “heroines.”