Recently, while at my daughters’ first baseball game of the season, I privately participated in a conversation between two parents. I had no idea who these parents were or who their children were. Only his sons were on the same team as my daughter. Let me tell you, I don’t like gossip, I’m not a Drama Queen, I’m not interested in drama or anyone else’s drama. God knows I’ve had more than my fair share, and I swore to myself years ago not to go there!
So as I watch and cheer on my daughter and her team, two parents come up to the bleachers where I’m sitting and it’s obvious through their interaction that they know each other pretty well. It was them and I a few feet apart in the stands, so there were no other conversations going on to help drain their voices. They started talking about their children and one of them was describing how lazy and spoiled he thought his children were becoming. They talked about how far the children had to walk to get to school and whether they walked or drove. Then the father who wrecks his wife, saying that he “makes me drive them to school and pick them up every day, even though the schools start just a few steps away. She complains that I’m home doing nothing most of the time.” of the day”. , that I must make myself useful and take the children to school at least. I try to explain to them that they are old enough and that school is not far and that it is good for them to walk and be independent and teach them responsibility. Almost every day. one of them forgets something and tells me to make myself useful and bring what they forgot to school for them. He goes on to say, “she even came up to me in the shower last night complaining about how she sat me down all day doing nothing.” . She feels that she is the only mother and what she says goes, no matter what I think. “I think these kids are being spoiled and need to learn responsibility, but if I say anything, I’m the bad guy.”
That was it, I couldn’t take it anymore! In fact, I looked in his direction and laughed outright, hoping they’d see it as a sign that their conversation was being listened to and wasn’t a conversation that should have been listened to. It didn’t matter, the only dad just didn’t stop! I asked myself, “Should I step in and tell him to be a better man and father, to stand up to his wife and not let her walk all over him, or should I step back and take a deep breath?” I chose the latter.
But seriously, this is the problem with two parents who have completely different parenting styles. IT DOES NOT WORK! The kids play one parent against the other and then there is a good cop parent and a bad cop parent. When my husband was alive, they put me in the bad cop category… he Hated it, it doesn’t work! Parents must assume the role of ‘adult’… Their children NEED limits, responsibilities, they need to gain independence and, above all, consistency from both parents. We are their role models, they see everything we do and copy what we do. So if this particular father has daughters, guess what, they will boss around their boyfriends or husbands and they will definitely wear the pants in the family. This is so wrong, parents are partners. Do what is right for the children you are raising. It is about commitment, partnership and respect. Do you want to be in a society or the dictatorship of a marriage?